Mickey: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen! Our next guest is a husky fellow. Don't worry. That's not an earthquake. That is Russell Rhinoceros
coming up on stage to share his story with us! Give him a big hand!(Applause erupts as Russell waddles over to where Mickey is sitting.)
Mickey: Hello, Russell. How is everything going?
Russell: Things are okay. You're lucky I'm here. I don't like being up in front of people. I'll try to behave myself tonight. Besides that, I'm getting used to the constant itching. Although, I will probably never get used to my ill-fitting outfit.
Mickey: I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure that our audience is a little confused right now. Now might be a good time to tell us your story.
Russell: I guess I could do that. My story starts with cake. I love cake. I wish I didn't, though. That's what got me into this whole mess. Do you like cake, Mickey?
Mickey: Oh, I love cake. But I only eat cheesecake. That might be something I inherited from my parents. They loved cheesecake, too. Sorry. I'm getting sidetracked. Please explain about the cake.
Russell: I heard about your parents backstage. Calvin told me what happened. I'm really sorry to hear that. Next time you see a trap, you can just call me, and I can come and step on it. Those things can't hurt me. I'm too big.
Mickey: Thank you, Russell. I really appreciate that. But, let's continue with your story.
Russell: Okay. One really hot, summer day, I was skinny-dipping in the lake when I smelled something so very yummy. There was some weird guy baking a cake out in the middle of the field. Personally, it didn't make any sense to me that he chose that type of setting to bake a cake, but, considering that amazing smell, you wouldn't hear me complain. I decided that I needed to teach him a lesson. I started screaming at the top of my lungs and lunged towards him. I don't know what scared him the most. The horrible noise I was making or the fact that a humongous, naked animal was thundering towards him. Ha! Either way, he was terrified and streaked off into the woods nearby.
Mickey: Wow! That is funny! I wish I could have been there to see that!
Russell: Yeah, it was funny. I'm glad you weren't there, though. Then, I would have had to share some of the cake with you, and I don't like to share.
Mickey: Well, it depends on what kind of cake it was.
Russell: Oh, yes. I forgot. You only eat cheesecake. You sure are missing out, Mickey. This was a birthday cake with tons of yummy icing. Oh, it was so good! Unfortunately, I am now allergic to birthday cake. It just serves me right, I guess. Anyways, later on, I was so full, I could barely fit into my skin. I decided to take it off and soak in the lake a bit more.
Mickey: That's something I'm not quite understanding. How were you able to take your skin off?
Russell: (looking quite sad all of a sudden) I used to have buttons that went along my belly. They're not there anymore.
Mickey: Why aren't they there anymore? What happened?
Russell: Let me continue on with my story, and you'll see. After chilling out in the lake for a little bit, I was hungry again. So I got out and started to put my skin back on. But there was something wrong! It itched so bad! I totally spazzed. I started running and jumping around, thinking I could make it stop. I was also rubbing myself up against anything and everything I could find. But, instead of getting better, I just ended up knocking over a bunch of trees and crushing a bunch of plants. And the itching got worse! All of a sudden, I hear a tiny giggle.
Mickey: What happened next?
Russell: It seemed like the giggle came from up in the tree. I looked up and there was the baker! I couldn't believe it! I felt bad. The cake that I had eaten was for his little niece. It was her birthday. Apparently, he had gotten really upset with me. While I was in the lake, he put cake crumbs all over my skin, and when I put the skin back on, the crumbs made me itch! Now, because of all my rubbing and freaking out, I don't have buttons anymore, and my skin doesn't fit me at all. It's all wrinkly and folded. I'm not pretty anymore. But I have a surprise for someone today, and thank you for helping me with this, Mickey. Despite what he did to me, I would like to introduce to everyone, the man who baked the cake!
(The baker guy runs out on stage.)
Baker: Why have you asked me to come here today, Russell? We're not exactly friends.
Russell: No, we are not friends. But, I felt really bad for what I did to you. Stealing is bad. So...I baked you a cake!
(The crowd gasps in surprise as tears flood the baker's eyes.)
Baker: Thank you so much!
Mickey: Aw, I'm so glad we were all able to witness this today. And for joining us today, Russell, we have a surprise for you as well! Because of your unhappiness and everything that you have gone through, one of our country's best plastic surgeons has offered to, not only give you a tummy tuck, but a full body tuck! What do you think about that?
Russell: I really do appreciate that, but even though I haven't quite grown accustomed to my new outfit, I enjoy the fact that I can eat more and my skin doesn't feel tight and constricting.
Mickey: Wow, Russell. I admire your optimism. Thank you for joining us today. (speaking to the audience) This has been some evening so far. I can't wait for you to meet our next guest. And here he comes....right after this break!
(Applause)